Rembrandt van Rijn
This is a wonderful, and very valuable, painting by Rembrandt. It depicts one of the miracles performed by Jesus. Maybe you are more proud of your own miraculous deed related to this painting – have you seen it lately? Then give it back, you thief! Let’s presume you are innocent and work on your alibi: Where were you on the morning of March 18th, 1990? Boston, maybe? Perhaps “visiting” the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, possibly wearing a police officer uniform? If so, you should really return the painting - did you know there is a $5,000,000 reward? And besides, is kind of a crime against humanity to keep such a piece hidden. I mean, not only would I never do it, but I was born after 1990 so there is no chance I could have stolen it! But if I had indeed stolen it, I would find it very satisfying to look at the empty frame they keep in the museum, where the stolen painting was. Isn’t that now also a conceptual piece of art? I would feel less guilty if I thought about it in that way. A fair trade: art for art, a piece of old art for new, fresh and defiant conceptual art. If Thomas De Quincey considered murder as an act of Fine Art, why not theft? And it wasn’t just a single painting that disappeared! It was a genius strategy that lasted over an hour, in which thirteen works worth over $500 million were stolen! It is the largest private property theft in history and no arrests have been made, nor has a single painting ever been recovered… If you happen to own it, please give it back – or at least invite me for some tea, you should be an interesting person for a chat.
Artur Deus Dionisio